Self Esteem and you

Introduction 

 You must have been advised multiple times by people to believe in yourself, love, and value yourself and and always have a healthy self-esteem, and all that is good stuff, but have you ever wondered what self- esteem really is, why is it important, what healthy self-esteem really is and what causes you to have low self-esteem. 

  

  What self-esteem really is and what do the experts say 

 According to psychology, self-esteem is your opinion about yourself i.e. how much you value, respect and believe in your own abilities. It depends on multiple factors including your personality, thoughts, experiences, circumstances, and environment. You only start actively working on or giving attention to it when your other basic needs of food, clothing, shelter, safety, love etc. have been met. 

 Why is it important and why are we talking about it 

 Healthy self-esteem impacts each and every aspect of our life, helps us make best decisions for ourselves, helps us flourish and be happy, and improves our relationship with ourselves and others. Although as vital as it is, still 8 in 10 individuals have experienced low self-esteem at some point in their lives, and if not guided properly and supported at the right time, some of these individuals might suffer from mental health issues, drug or alcohol addiction, relationship issues, loneliness, and productivity issues later in their lives 

How do I know if I have healthy self-esteem 

 Self-esteem is generally seen as a spectrum, if it is at a desirable level, it is healthy, anything below is called low self-esteem, anything high is termed as narcissism You have a healthy and desirable level of self-esteem when you have most, if not all, of these traits: 

1. You practice self-love and give importance to your needs 

2. You are authentic 

3. You do not worry about what others think about you 

4. You have set up healthy boundaries for yourself 

5. You take a stand and speak up for yourself 

6. You do not compare yourself with others 

7. You are empathetic and make an effort to understand others 

8. You take responsibility for your own mistakes 

9. You are open to change 

  Difference between humility and low self-esteem 

 Lot of times humility a.k.a being humble or being down to earth is misinterpreted as having low self-esteem as there is a very thin line between the two. While being humble is a very desirable trait, having a low self-esteem is seen as a form of self-sabotage. Humble or modest individuals rarely boast about their achievements while still being aware of their strengths, they are open to criticism and self- improvement, and practice gratitude. On the other hand individuals with low self-esteem never highlight or acknowledge their strengths, have a victim mentality, are over-critical about themselves and are people pleasers 

 Difference between Self-esteem and Self confidence 

 Often times Self-esteem and self-confidence are used synonymously, however they both are different terms. While self-confidence is the way we interact with the world through our own abilities, self-esteem is the way we interact with our own self in terms of value and respect. We can have high self-confidence while still having low self-esteem and vice versa. Self-confidence is generally developed with practice and experience, self-esteem is developed through our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. 

 Four questions to ask yourself if you want to boost your self-esteem 

 1. What are my strengths and am I using them well in my daily life? 

 2. When do I feel most comfortable and confident? 

 3. What activities and people make me feel good about myself and can I bring them in my life more often? 

 4. What habits can I develop to improve my self-esteem? 

How to boost your self-esteem 

 Dr Nathanial Branden in his book ‘The six pillars of self esteem, suggests 6 practices to boost our self esteem 

 1. Living consciously i.e. being present in the moment 

 2. Self-acceptance i.e. accept yourself as who you are and as you are 

 3. Self-responsibility i.e. taking full responsibility of your condition and circumstances instead of playing a victim card 

 4. Self- assertiveness i.e. being aware of want you want and communicating it clearly and calmly to others 

 5. Living purposefully i.e. having a purpose in life 

 6. Personal integrity i.e. knowing your values and living upto them 

 How to help your loved one who has a low self esteem 

 1. Listen to them 

 2. Acknowledge their feelings 

 3. Be their support 

 4. Include them in decision making process 

 5. Hand them a responsibility and show trust in them that they can do it 

 6. Suggest therapy , sometimes a little professional help can do wonders